When Creation Feels Like Resistance

I like to approach everything in life as art, literally. Everything. And on my best days, I'm just playing or meditating or exploring as I create.

But some days, days like today, picking up the pen or the brush, or whatever tool calls to me, feels like resistance.

Not in the radical sense, not always.

Sometimes it’s quieter.

Heavier.

Like moving through syrup.

There are days when the ideas are there, glowing in the corners of my mind, but I can’t touch them.

Days where the act of creating feels like work, not release.

Where inspiration shows up late or not at all.

And when it does come, it’s tangled in doubt, distractions, or the pressure inside myself to turn every moment into something useful.

But what if I don’t want to alchemize today?

What if I just want to feel?

What if I need to rest?

What if I need to literally mess around?

What if I need love?

What if I need to cry?

Being a creator is romanticized, sold back to us in curated squares and genius myths. Follow the blueprint or the next big fad, and you'll succeed. But thats just not how I have ever created. I've always had to create at my own pulse.

But the truth is: creating, especially while balancing multiple aspects in a day, while prioritizing your relationships, while building a business, while life gets messy and the world around us is even messier and more chaotic, and especially while you're battling yourself, for whatever reasons...

creating is not always beautiful.

It's gritty.

It’s lonely.

It’s terrifying to care this much and still feel like no matter how much work you get done, especially the unseen work that can practically tear you apart, its just never enough.

And yet, here I am. Still trying.

Because even when it hurts, even when the words are stuck or my linework doesnt come out straight, I know this is mine.

This fight, this dance, this beautiful tree of life that has blossomed out and now I am growing along side.

It’s the only language I trust, alchemy and love.

And maybe that’s what resistance really is sometimes: not giving in to that silence, even when it’s easier to be quiet.

If you’re a creator and you’ve felt this, if you’ve ever needed to create and needed a break from it at the same time, you’re not alone.

Let this post be proof of that.

xxxo,

Ci